on: Sleep.

I'm not very good at sleeping. I never really have been. Even when I was little I'd stay up way late and sleep well into the morning unlike most kids who wake up at the crack of dawn to begin the day of annoying their parents. And I have made a habit of napping during the day because I never seem to get enough sleep during the night. And I'm always tired during the day. Always. Me and sleep have just never really had a good relationship.

When I started taking anti-depressants and trying new ones pretty much every month they made it harder for me to sleep at night. Before that I could sleep at the drop of a hat. Anywhere, anytime, I could nap if I felt so inclined. The only annoying part was that I never stopped being tired or sleepy. But now I had problems with the actual act of sleeping. As well as with napping. The first time I laid down for a nap and couldn't sleep was one of the most bizarre moments of my life.

Lately, though my slumbering skills have been seriously lacking. I've tried taking insomnia medication, but it just made me extremely loopy and not able to remember what I did when I woke up the next morning. Because I was always stupid enough to stay up trying to suck all the productiveness out of my day that I possibly could even past when the drugs kicked in. And sometimes much, much later. One night I made a Tumblr. I don't even know what Tumblr is. But I have one. Some other fun stories come from when I was texting while the drugs kicked in...lost a couple friends that way...clearly they weren't good friends anyways if they don't stick around through hallucination texting. I at least let them know I was hallucinating before I sent the most acidic texts of my life.

Probably one of my favorite Ambien stories, though, was one of the first ones. I was hallucinating that I was a pirate, so I of course updated my Facebook status from my phone to, "I am a swashbuckling pirate." I believe there was a bit more pirate jargon in there, though, but I don't remember what I said exactly. Then about an hour later I was a ninja, so I reupdated my Facebook status to, "I am a stealthy ninja waiting in the reeds, prepared." Funny that I was a both a pirate and a ninja in the same night. Let's just say that I won't be taking any illegal drugs or alcohol any time soon from what me and Ambien had together.

But what I was taking wasn't really supposed to be taken long term. So I stopped taking it and it turns out that I don't sleep unless the sun is up. Cool, huh? I'd lie in bed for about 20 minutes at a time pretending to sleep then roll over and look at the clock which was still somewhere in the 4 AM hour. That would happen all night until about 6 or 7 when I would finally fall asleep until 10 when I had to wake up and go to choir. It was a grand old time. So I started taking melatonin which is supposed to just make your body work the way it's supposed to and not make you loopy. Well, still having a bit of trouble with the whole idea of sleep. But sleep is over rated anyways, right?