on: Cleaning.

Now, I don't have OCD, but I am a little bit weird about cleaning and being organized. I go through these phases, you see, where I keep everything organized, then I let things get unorganized slowly because I grow busier and what will a couple sweaters on the floor of my closet yet to be hung hurt? But when I clean, I clean. And sometimes I do get a little obsessive about it.

Recently I went a little nuts and took everything off of all of my walls, got a bunch of grocery bags and started attacking my room. And I'm still not quite done, but for the most part the bulk of it is done. I went through every single one of my belongings going by area of my room or piece of furniture that they are in and either kept, threw out, donated, or put it in a box for my closet. I also reorganized a lot of it.

I still have some bags I need to take out, and things I would like to throw out, but need to replace first, but pretty much I exorcised my room. And I was a little brutal. It's actually kind of bugging me that it's almost done, but not. Maybe I'll work on that some more tomorrow.

Here's the thing, when I feel stressed, or overwhelmed, or anxious I clean. It gives me a sense of control that I need when I feel like I'm losing it all. Sometimes it gets really bad where I can't sleep and have to get up out of bed and clean into the wee hours of the morning. I just get so anxious and looking at a mess while anxious does not help all that much. And cleaning it is distracting. And afterward I usually feel somewhat more grounded.

So, a couple weeks ago I broke. Hence the room renovations. I fear the day when there is nothing left to clean or organize.